GENDEROSITY

My Definitions:

1. being generous of spirit to people of all genders or a gender different from yours;

2. the extension, overlap, and blurring of traits typically ascribed from one gender to another gender.

I absolutely love the phrase that popped into my head a few months ago - genderosity. It came to mind as I watched a friend uncomfortably struggle with the expanded definitions of gender that our society is trying to catch up to. While I am very much on board with the expansion of gender definitions, I get that it can take time to get used to.

But what a wonderful time to be alive! We no longer have to think so binary, we don’t have to stay in a lane, or feel constrained. We can color outside of the lines and find acceptance by so many. I used to say that I didn’t believe that we’re all either straight, gay, or bisexual, that I believe we’re all simply sexual and our identity shifts from one end of the spectrum to the other or balances in between, and could very well be fluid. Many of us identify as exclusively male or female for our entire lifetime, but within that identification, who’s straight, gay, bi, asexual, or poly and does it stay static throughout our lives? The layers of individuality continue to be added, veneer after veneer as we evolve and learn more about ourselves and our fellow humans.

Take a look at this incredible photograph of the actor Michael Douglas by the exceedingly talented Martin Schoeller. What’s your visceral reaction? Attraction, titillation, shock, repulsion, humor, interest, confusion? Yes. Having any one of those feelings tells us, first, that that’s what good art is supposed to do - make us feel. Beyond the art, looking at a well-known person who we might sense we know a bit more than an average stranger, it can be confusing to see such a departure of the gender identity we’ve placed on that person. Does the eye makeup mean anything? What does it mean? And what does it mean to you?

If we’re generous within our ideas of gender, we want to be “okay” and accepting of whatever this human being’s gender or sexual identity is. We don’t think any less or more of this human because of it. That’s what I really enjoy calling "genderosity.”

It’s fascinating to think that we are evolving, just through our exposure to so many different iterations of gender identification that can now find acceptance and inclusion in our current society. I have to give us all credit for trying to learn and understand and work through what might either feel like a great relief that “finally people are getting me!” or a combination of shock as you work through feelings to get to acceptance. It’s okay to not be “there” yet. It’s okay that you’re working on your genderosity, as long as you don’t exclude someone else who is further along the path than you. I believe none of us can be wrong when we start along the path of learning and a desire to understand. If you open any topic under inclusion, diversity, equity and accountability with the goal of learning and being open to overcoming implicit biases, you’re on a journey that will serve you well.

What about another photograph by Martin Schoeller; this one is from his fantastic Female Bodybuilders series. When you look at this athlete, are you any less “generous” in your reaction to her? Think about why you might or might not be? Analyzing your own reactions and feelings can help you develop your own genderosity.

Androgyny was HUGE way back in the 80’s with Annie Lennox, Boy George, David Bowie, and it challenged the conventional norms of gender. Androgyny is still considered to be highly appealing and still going strong; just take a look at Jaden Smith, Awkwafina, Ruby Rose, Tilda Swinton, Billy Porter and Jared Leto. These celebs play by their own gender fluid rules and ain’t nobody gonna tell them to be anything less than their authentic selves - and why would they?

Having an open mind, heart and understanding is what happens when we evolve. Indeed, it is a wonderful time to be alive.